I first met Tom* when we were in school. We had some of the same friends and saw each other socially over the years, until one day our exchanges became flirtier. My preconceptions of him through years of friendship meant I was wholly unprepared for what was to come.
I was 21 at the time – young enough for a new love interest to be nothing but exciting. After weeks of texts and increasing tension, I ended up back at his after a night out. I’d had my fair share of casual sex by then, but always after a few drinks, which gave me a certain forwardness and conviction I couldn’t naturally muster in my early 20s. This was different. He was someone I knew intimately, but platonically. We’d never had anything sexual between us before.
I had been drinking that first night – but we didn’t have sex. We talked as normal, falling asleep on the sofa together. It was the next morning that he took my hand and led me upstairs without saying a word.
As I climbed the stairs in the early morning light, my head was entirely clear. I was hyper aware of my body. The thought of what was to come sent a current through me.
The second the bedroom door was closed, he pushed me against it and kissed me ferociously. The air felt charged. Our hands hungrily grabbed at one another’s bodies – we were insatiable. He was much taller than me, and as he picked me up, I could feel his erection hard against my skin. We made our way to the bed slowly, with my legs around his waist.
I needed him inside of me but wanted to slow it down, to take in this new territory and savor it. While he sat on the bed, I stood over him, unzipping my dress and letting it fall to the floor. He looked at me with total lust.
The pace picked up the second my dress was off. He told me how hot I looked and pulled me towards him by the seam of my lace knickers. I’d expected a shyness – having known him as the ‘nice guy’ in our friendship group – but his dominance took me by surprise and turned me on even more. When it became too much to bear, he swiftly lifted me up and threw me down onto the bed.
Looking at him then, I couldn’t believe we hadn’t done this sooner. But I didn’t have much time to think – he quickly pulled off my underwear and started going down on me. After what felt like a few moments of ecstasy, he moved himself into me, leaving me breathless.
As the early morning sun shone through the window, I came for the first time through penetration. It was a series of firsts, also being the first time I had sex with a friend and the first time I had sober sex.
We went on to have sex over and over, each time as passionate as the first. That day opened my eyes to how mind-altering and euphoric sober sex can be. Sober sex offered me self-possession, and with it, the clarity and power to voice exactly what I wanted from him. I let go of my inhibitions entirely – this time drunk only on desire and thirsty for more.
